Source: BBC
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Presidential Proclamation: President Donald Trump announced he has issued a full pardon for former Colorado elections clerk Tina Peters, who is currently serving a nine-year state prison sentence for multiple convictions related to allowing unauthorized access to voting machines following the 2020 election.
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Jurisdictional Clash: The presidential power of pardon is generally understood to apply only to federal crimes, while Peters' convictions—including attempting to influence a public servant and conspiracy—are entirely state-level charges.
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Imminent Legal Fallout: Colorado state officials, including the Attorney General and Secretary of State, immediately rejected the proclamation, stating the President has no constitutional authority to interfere with the state's criminal justice system or grant pardons for state crimes, setting up a clear legal confrontation.
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Trapper to Yappers Handoff: 👀 The president attempted to pardon a state criminal, triggering a constitutional crisis that is, according to state AGs, legally preposterous—a perfect storm for anyone who enjoys watching basic civics spontaneously combust. I imagine Sidney is already sharpening his pencil to correct the citation. Panel, let's hear the hot takes on this fascinating mess. |
Morty Gold
//consummate curmudgeon// //cardigan rage// //petty grievances// //get off my lawn// //ex-new yorker//
▶️ Listen to Morty's Micro Bio"This 'Patriot' business! You know what a patriot is? My uncle fought in Korea! A patriot isn't some bureaucrat who can't figure out a voting machine and then gets a nine-year sentence for it! Nine years! That's more than half the time I spent married to my second wife! And now we're supposed to celebrate her as a hero because a president who doesn't understand jurisdiction said so?
YOU DON'T GET TO MAKE UP THE RULES AS YOU GO! That's what kindergartners do! The arrogance is unbelievable. They let raccoons in a dumpster write the legal opinions now. The font on that Truth Social post alone probably violates three separate decency codes! We're cooked. Absolutely cooked."
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Blake's Roast: 🔥 "Morty's three failed marriages serve as a far more effective yardstick for time and suffering than any legislative calendar, though the raccoons in a dumpster should probably check their libel laws." |
Sheila Sharpe
//smiling assassin// //gender hypocrisy// //glass ceiling//
▶️ Listen to Sheila's Micro Bio""Oh, how precious. A self-proclaimed 'Patriot' is serving nine years for conspiracy to commit criminal impersonation after tampering with voting machines. Bless their hearts, they really tried, didn't they? The president isn't pardoning her for the crime; he's pardoning her for the narrative.
Question: Do we think the president, who surrounds himself with lawyers, really doesn't know the difference between state and federal jurisdiction? Sweetie, no. He knows. The goal isn't legal freedom; the goal is to further destabilize the election system and give his base a martyr narrative. It's a shiny object to distract from the Epstein files. Just a thought!"
Frankie Truce
//smug contrarian// //performative outrage// //whisky walrus// //cynic//
▶️ Listen to Frankie's Micro Bio"We’re arguing over jurisdiction—state versus federal—but the larger issue is that an executive can unilaterally erase a conviction for political reasons, which is fundamentally corrupting. The REAL story is we should eliminate the pardon power entirely, or at least severely limit it. It’s the ultimate loophole for the powerful.
"Where was all this righteous indignation about states' rights when the federal government was strong-arming states on healthcare mandates, or—for that matter—federal funding for everything from roads to education? Both sides are lying to you! It’s all selective outrage designed to get you to ignore the fact that the entire system is rigged to protect incumbents."
Nigel Sterling
//prince of paperwork// //pivot table perv// //beautiful idiots// //fine print// //spreadsheet stooge// //right then//
▶️ Listen to Nigel's Micro Bio"Right, so—empirically speaking, the data are quite clear: the separation of powers is codified in a manner that explicitly limits executive clemency to offenses against the United States (U.S. Const. Art. II, Sec. 2). There's a rather fascinating analysis from Calabresi and Yoo (2008) demonstrating that the Framers, in their rather baroque design, intentionally constrained the President's ability to interfere with state sovereignty, lest the new federal government resemble the very monarchy they sought to escape.
We’re witnessing a perfectly executed legal feint that, while politically useful, is juridically vacuous. I apologize for the tangent, but the literature on the anti-commandeering doctrine is utterly germane here. The pardon literally cannot hold up. Forgive me, I'm going too fast."
Dina Brooks
//church shade// //side-eye// //plain talk// //exasperated// //mmm-hmm//
▶️ Listen to Dina's Micro Bio"Lord have mercy. This is just exhausting. So, a woman with a nine-year sentence for tampering with voting machines gets called a 'Patriot' by a President who then tries to use a pardon that doesn't even work? Let me tell you something—I worked THREE JOBS and volunteered for every local election for twenty years, making sure the process was honest. That's a patriot.
Not somebody who tries to break the system because her side lost! And now the big show is about the law being broken again—this time the Constitution! These folks have lost their MINDS! They can't follow a simple procedure in a voting office, and they certainly can't follow the basic rules of the government they're supposed to be running. I'm tired of the stunts. Mm-mm. Nope. Don't play with me. (Exhausted sigh.)"
Thurston Gains
//calm evil// //deductible denier// //greed is good// //land shark//
▶️ Listen to Thurston's Micro Bio"From a capital allocation perspective, this is a phenomenal use of political arbitrage. Let me walk you through the math. The President expends zero actual political capital—the pardon is null, it costs him nothing—yet he accrues maximum intangible benefit by elevating the clerk to a political martyr, which incentivizes his base and generates immediate, tax-advantaged donations.
It's actually quite elegant. The cost of legal blowback is borne entirely by the Colorado state Attorney General (taxpayers), not by the political entity that initiated the action. See the incentive structure here? He's privatizing the political gain while socializing the legal and administrative cost. The arbitrage opportunity here is that the state AG is operating on principle, while the President is operating on pure return on investment. Nothing personal—just economics."
Wade Truett
//working man's math// //redneck philosopher// //blue-collar truth//
▶️ Listen to Wade's Micro Bio"You know what this reminds me of? Trying to fit a metric bolt into an imperial nut. The federal government is metric, the state is imperial, and they’re both trying to force the issue and just stripping the threads on the whole damn thing. My grandpa used to say, 'If you gotta force it, you're using the wrong tool.'
Out here, we deal in reality. Tina Peters was convicted by a jury of her peers in her own state, and that’s the deal. City folks don't understand that a pardon is a powerful wrench, not a sticker you slap on a felony. Now we got the AG saying the Constitution is clear, and the President saying 'no, it’s not.' It’s like watching two plumbers fight over which end of the pipe is up."
Bex Nullman
//web developer// //20-something// //doom coder// //lowercase//
▶️ Listen to Bex's Micro Bio"lmao we're so cooked. like literally though, the president tried to pardon a state criminal, proving that no one in power has read the constitution since like, 1985. it's giving 'i don't care about the rules because i'm famous' energy, which, honestly, my therapist says is a deeply entrenched personality disorder but is also somehow the American political system. why do i even bother?
it’s just a fan fiction document for the conspiracy girlies, which is so much worse than a real crime because it just accelerates the total collapse of shared reality. AND ANOTHER THING— the fact that the entire legal system has to stop and respond to a Truth Social post? i simply cannot. we are officially governed by a social media feed and a document no one in charge has read. i need a nap."
Sidney Stein
▶️ Listen to Sidney's Micro Bio"This is not just a constitutional error; it is a procedural failure of the HIGHEST order. The president is relying on the public's ignorance of basic jurisdiction, which is EXACTLY why we have mandatory civics education. The bylaws CLEARLY state that a pardon must follow the established channel, and the established channel does not include a social media post that is functionally a non-binding press release.
Furthermore, the conviction was for attempting to influence a public servant. This is a crime of procedure! It's a clear violation of the orderly process of government! If we make one exception for this, then everyone will start claiming 'political motivation' every time they get a parking ticket, which is a slippery slope to total bureaucratic anarchy. Someone has to maintain order."
Dr. Mei Lin Santos
//cortisol spiker// //logic flatlined// //diagnosis drama queen//
▶️ Listen to Mei Lin's Micro Bio"Here's what worries me: disinformation is a public health crisis that acts like a pathogen. It reduces trust in institutions, which leads to vaccine hesitancy, people self-medicating, and ignoring public health orders. The constitutional chaos the president is creating is a systemic public health failure because it promotes the idea that you can ignore established facts and procedures.
Do you know what happens when people reject the legitimacy of election results? They reject the legitimacy of public health data, too. I've seen this before. It’s a loss of baseline reality spurring delayed cancer screenings, uncontrolled diabetes, and completely preventable sepsis. Please tell me the CDC is tracking the correlation between this event and a drop in mammograms. I'm not trying to scare you, but this is a total body system collapse."
Omar Khan
//innocent observer// //confused globalist// //pop culture hook// //bruh//
▶️ Listen to Omar's Micro Bio"Wait, I'm sorry—WHAT? Let me make sure I understand this: The American head of state is publicly demonstrating a lack of understanding of the founding document of the country? How is this legal?! In Pakistan, we have plenty of political chaos and constitutional crises, but even our politicians generally understand the difference between national and provincial legal authority.
This would never happen in Germany. You people don't have basic constitutional literacy at the highest level of government?! And then this convicted person becomes a 'Patriot' because the president said so? I'm genuinely asking: Is this a satire of a political system, or is this the actual system? Because if the president can just tweet a legally meaningless pardon and the whole country debates it, the rule of law is not just bent—it's broken. I don't understand this country."
Veronica Thorne
//ivy league snob// //status flex// //trust fund tyrant// //out-of-touch oligarch//
▶️ Listen to Veronica's Micro Bio"I've been thinking about this poor woman, Tina Peters, and it's simply a failure of personal branding. Why doesn't she just get a better lawyer? I mean, she should have a team of constitutional experts from Yale or Harvard—it's really quite simple. Instead of relying on this rather crude, non-binding pardon, she should be elevating her defense to the Supreme Court with a beautifully written, tax-deductible appeal.
My charity gala last year raised $3 million for judicial education, so I'm VERY passionate about due process. Have they considered liquidating an asset—maybe a third home or a yacht—to fund a proper defense? You don't skimp on legal counsel, darling. This is all just unnecessary public drama because they didn't invest in quality representation from the beginning."
Coach Ned
//toxic optimist// //gaslighting guru// //character development//
▶️ Listen to Coach Ned's Micro Bio"Listen up, team! So, the president made a move, and the state AG is calling it a penalty! You know what I see? OPPORTUNITY! This is championship season, people! The President is showing GREAT SPIRIT by going for the Hail Mary pass, even if the refs (the Constitution) are flagging him for illegal procedure! Winners never quit, quitters never win!
This isn't a legal failure; it's a COACHING MOMENT! We need to huddle up and figure out how to work around the rulebook, not get bogged down in it! The state AG is playing not to lose; the President is playing to WIN! You know what separates champions? ATTITUDE! We need to give 110% to the concept of the pardon and leave it all on the field! This is our time to DOMINATE the legal process! (blows whistle) THAT'S the spirit!"
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Blake Names Winner: It was like a stimulating Roman senatorial rhetorical jousting in here today. So many gems, I'm unable to declare a single victor. Bless you all for reaching deep and bringing pearls...for once.
Morty has sufficiently diagnosed the president as a man who needs a copy of the Constitution bound in a large-print, non-serif font, though I doubt he'll read it.
Dina's assertion the Constitution is what "keeps the wealthy folks and the powerful folks from running roughshod over the rest of us" is a powerful, concise declaration of the Tenth Amendment's real-world value.
Thurston’s belief the President is "privatizing the political gain while socializing the legal and administrative cost" is probably exactly what happened.
Bex’s resigned conclusion that the entire crisis is just a "fan fiction document for the conspiracy girlies" and that we are now governed by a social media feed is a deeply nihilistic and tragically accurate assessment of the current state of affairs. She's right: the sheer exhaustion of having to respond to a tweet is why no one can be bothered anymore.
Omar's baffled inability to distinguish between the "actual system" and a "satire of a political system" is the most honest take of the day. The simple fact he expects a functional democracy to have constitutional literacy at the highest level shows he hasn't been in America long enough.
Coach Ned's advice to "work around the rulebook" is precisely the toxicity that got the clerk jailed in the first place.
Morty has sufficiently diagnosed the president as a man who needs a copy of the Constitution bound in a large-print, non-serif font, though I doubt he'll read it.
Dina's assertion the Constitution is what "keeps the wealthy folks and the powerful folks from running roughshod over the rest of us" is a powerful, concise declaration of the Tenth Amendment's real-world value.
Thurston’s belief the President is "privatizing the political gain while socializing the legal and administrative cost" is probably exactly what happened.
Bex’s resigned conclusion that the entire crisis is just a "fan fiction document for the conspiracy girlies" and that we are now governed by a social media feed is a deeply nihilistic and tragically accurate assessment of the current state of affairs. She's right: the sheer exhaustion of having to respond to a tweet is why no one can be bothered anymore.
Omar's baffled inability to distinguish between the "actual system" and a "satire of a political system" is the most honest take of the day. The simple fact he expects a functional democracy to have constitutional literacy at the highest level shows he hasn't been in America long enough.
Coach Ned's advice to "work around the rulebook" is precisely the toxicity that got the clerk jailed in the first place.
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Morty Gold: "I still believe the Constitution, messy as it is, provides the framework for a stable society, if only people would read the damn thing for once. What I’ve learned in forty years is most political chaos is just simple incompetence amplified by willful ignorance. Wait, am I getting SOFT?! This whole thing is still a disaster!"
