BSource: Newsweek
- The Pivot: Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, formerly a critic of tariffs as "inflationary," is now defending President Trump’s widespread tariffs despite rising consumer prices and a Fox News poll showing 76% of voters view the economy negatively.
- The Logic: Bessent argued on Meet the Press that inflation is actually flat for goods, blamed rising costs on services, and claimed that if consumers don't like prices, they should "move from a blue state to a red state," ignoring moving costs and lack of state-level data.
- The Rebrand: Attempting to explain why tariffs won't hurt, Bessent suggested "access to cheap goods is not the essence of the American dream," proposed a future $2,000 rebate check that people should "save" to avoid inflation, and confusingly compared economic metrics to not knowing how much your arm weighs.
Trapper to Yappers Handoff: 👀 "And now, having heard the Treasury Secretary suggest we treat the American populace like migratory birds to save forty cents on milk, let’s release the panel. Please, keep your expectations low—it helps."
Morty Gold
//consummate curmudgeon// //cardigan rage// //petty grievances// //get off my lawn// //ex-new yorker//
▶️ Listen to Morty's Micro Bio"MOVE?! You want me to MOVE?! To save three cents on milk?! Do you know what moving ENTAILS?! It’s not just hopping in a jalopy! It’s CARDBOARD BOXES! It’s tape that never sticks! It’s finding a new DENTIST! And you want me to do this based on a HUNCH that bread is cheaper in Idaho?!
WE HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE! It’s the Dust Bowl logic! 'Just go West, the dust isn't there!' EXCEPT NOW THE DUST IS EXPENSIVE TOO! And don't get me started on 'How much does your arm weigh?' I DON'T KNOW, SCOTT, BUT I KNOW HOW MUCH MY WALLET WEIGHS! AND IT’S LIGHT! IT’S VERY LIGHT! I’m going to bed!"
Sheila Sharpe
//smiling assassin// //gender hypocrisy// //glass ceiling//
▶️ Listen to Sheila's Micro Bio"Oh, I am OBSESSED with this messaging pivot! Truly, it’s a masterclass in gaslighting. Bessent saying 'Access to cheap goods is not the essence of the American dream' is just... chef's kiss. Wait, I'm sorry—let me translate that for the cheap seats. He's telling you that being able to AFFORD THINGS is actually unpatriotic.
It’s fantastic! It’s the 'Live, Laugh, Starve' strategy. If a woman told her husband, 'Honey, us not being able to buy groceries is actually a spiritual victory,' he’d file for divorce. But when the Treasury Secretary does it? It’s 'economic nationalism.' Good luck paying your rent with 'essence of the dream,' sweetie."
Frankie Truce
//smug contrarian// //performative outrage// //whisky walrus// //cynic//
▶️ Listen to Frankie's Micro Bio"Can we be honest? This isn't economic policy. It's a travel brochure for the Dakotas written by someone who has never flown coach. You're mad because it sounds stupid, but let's look at the game. They don't actually want you to move.
They want you to blame your zip code for your empty wallet instead of their policies. It’s the oldest trick in the book: displace the anger. 'Don't look at the Treasury; look at your neighbor who voted blue.' It’s cynical, it’s lazy, and frankly, it's insulting to anyone who can do basic math. Grow up."
Nigel Sterling
//prince of paperwork// //pivot table perv// //beautiful idiots// //fine print// //spreadsheet stooge// //right then//
▶️ Listen to Nigel's Micro Bio"Right, so—technically speaking—let’s look at the numbers, you beautiful idiots. He says the inflation delta is 0.5%. HALF. A. PERCENT. Now, if you take the average cost of a cross-country move ($4,000 minimum) and factor in the wage repression in 'deregulated' zones (roughly 20%), the amortization period to break even on this 'savings' is approximately... carry the one...
SEVENTY-FOUR YEARS. You are literally paying thousands of dollars to save pennies. It’s an Ouroboros of stupidity! It’s economic homeopathy! You’re diluting your bank account to cure your wallet! Brilliant!"
Dina Brooks
//church shade// //side-eye// //plain talk// //exasperated// //mmm-hmm//
▶️ Listen to Dina's Micro Bio"Mmm-hmm. So we're just... migrating now? That's the plan? Okay. I see you. You want me to sell my house, pack up my good china, and drive halfway across the country because you don't know how to fix the price of eggs? The AUDACITY.
Child, I am too old and too tired to be playing 'Oregon Trail' in a U-Haul just because the government gave up. This is DISRESPECTFUL. You don't tell people to run from the fire; you put out the damn fire! Lord, give me strength."
Thurston Gains
//calm evil// //deductible denier// //greed is good// //land shark//
▶️ Listen to Thurston's Micro Bio"I must say, I find the Secretary's proposal delightfully pragmatic. A mobile workforce is a compliant workforce. If people are desperate enough to cross state lines for cheaper cereal, think of the leverage! It destroys that pesky sense of 'community' that emboldens unions.
From an actuarial standpoint, if you are willing to uproot your family for a 0.5% discount, you are also willing to accept a sub-standard health plan with a higher deductible. It’s a win-win. Well, a win for me. You’ll be in a truck somewhere. Safe travels, old sport."
Wade Truett
//working man's math// //redneck philosopher// //blue-collar truth//
▶️ Listen to Wade's Micro Bio"Let me tell you something. I run a business. I pour concrete. I can't just load a mixer and a crew of six guys onto a flatbed and drive to Arkansas because the Treasury Secretary says gas is cheaper. That ain't how the real world works. You move where the work is, not where the regulations ain't.
If I move to a place with no rules, sure, maybe my overhead drops, but so does my paycheck. You can't eat 'low taxes,' and you can't pay a mortgage with 'deregulation.' That's just common sense, which seems to be in short supply in D.C."
Bex Nullman
//web developer// //20-something// //doom coder// //lowercase//
▶️ Listen to Bex's Micro Bio"okay so the government is literally telling us to enter our nomadic era. slay i guess? bestie i have twelve dollars and a plant i’m struggling to keep alive. how am i supposed to finance a move to a red state?
isn't the rent there skyrocketing too because everyone is fleeing the coasts? it's giving 'just stop being poor.' i’m gonna dissociate and pretend i didn't hear this because the vibes are atrocious. we're so cooked lmao."
Sidney Stein
▶️ Listen to Sidney's Micro Bio"You can't just MOVE! There are PROCEDURES! Do you know what the DMV is like when you switch states? You need a new license within 30 days! New registration! Proof of residency! Utility bills in your name!
You can't just waltz across a border and claim lower inflation like you're cutting a line at the deli! It’s a BUREAUCRATIC NIGHTMARE! And what about voting registration? You’ll miss the deadline! It’s disorderly! If we all just move willy-nilly, society collapses! I’m not doing it!"
Dr. Mei Lin Santos
//cortisol spiker// //logic flatlined// //diagnosis drama queen//
▶️ Listen to Mei Lin's Micro Bio"Okay—deep breath. Clinically speaking, moving is one of the top five stressors for a human being. It spikes cortisol, interrupts sleep, and—most importantly—severes the continuity of care. Do you understand what happens when you move to a state with 'deregulated' healthcare markets?
You lose your specialists. You lose your history. You are starting from zero with a provider who barely has time to read your chart. This isn't economic policy; this is a prescription for a myocardial infarction. I need to check my own blood pressure. This is not sustainable."
Omar Khan
//innocent observer// //confused globalist// //pop culture hook// //bruh//
▶️ Listen to Omar's Micro Bio"YO. Check this out. In my parents' country, people move to escape, like, war. Or famine. Or dictators. Here? The government is telling you to become a refugee... for the price of milk? Bro. That is WILD. You guys have the biggest economy in the world and the solution is 'Run away'?
Imagine packing up your whole family, crying in the car, looking back at your home, and saying, 'It's okay, kids. In Oklahoma, the bread is fifty cents cheaper.' Y'all are crazy."
Veronica Thorne
//ivy league snob// //status flex// //trust fund tyrant// //out-of-touch oligarch//
▶️ Listen to Veronica's Micro Bio"Oh, this is precious. Move to a red state? Darling, I don't move. I have people who move things for me, but I certainly don't relocate my body to a flyover state just to save on groceries. If you're worried about the price of eggs, you're simply not earning enough.
And frankly, the idea of living somewhere where the architecture is primarily 'strip mall chic' just to save a few percentages? Tragic. Fix the economy so I don't have to look at ugly Zillow listings. It’s embarrassing."
Coach Ned
//toxic optimist// //gaslighting guru// //character development//
▶️ Listen to Coach Ned's Micro Bio"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! (blows whistle) HUDDLE UP! The Secretary just called a REVERSE! If the defense is blitzing you with high prices in New York, YOU SCRAMBLE TO TEXAS! It’s called FIELD AWARENESS!
We’re not running away; we’re taking the economy on a ROAD TRIP! Home field advantage is a MINDSET, people! Pack your lockers! We’re going to where the regulations are weak and the grit is strong! BOOM! WHO’S WITH ME?! Hydrate or die-drate!"
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Blake Trapper: "Wade takes it for saying "you can't eat low taxes"—which is the most succinct economic critique I've ever heard from a man who pours concrete for a living. Meanwhile, the Treasury Secretary has three degrees and can't figure out why people won't just relocate on command."
🥇
Wade Truett: A man who knows his trade can plant roots anywhere. As long as you got two hands and a willingness to work, you'll be alright. ...Alright, enough of that sap. Who took my beer?
