- Department of Education Dismantling: The Trump administration has accelerated efforts to dismantle the Department of Education, slashing staff and transferring core functions—like the $1.6 trillion student loan portfolio and special education oversight—to agencies including the Small Business Administration, the Department of the Interior, and Labor.
- "Final Mission": Secretary Linda McMahon has described the shuttering of the agency as the staff’s "final mission," despite the fact that only Congress has the legal authority to abolish the department.
- "Genesis Mission" Launch: Simultaneously, President Trump signed an executive order launching the "Genesis Mission" to boost AI innovation using federal resources, comparing the initiative to the Manhattan Project and the Apollo Program.
- AI Energy Paradox: While the administration claims this AI push will eventually lower energy costs, critics note that the massive computing power required by AI data centers is currently straining the U.S. electric grid and driving prices up.
Blake Trapper:
The federal government is currently attempting a structural magic trick: making the Department of Education disappear by scattering its organs across Washington, sending student loans to the Small Business Administration and Indian education programs to the Department of the Interior. At the exact same moment, the White House has launched the "Genesis Mission," a Manhattan Project-style initiative to supercharge AI, promising that the technology which currently threatens to crash the energy grid will somehow eventually lower your electric bill.
Morty Gold:
THE SMALL BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION?! For STUDENT LOANS?! Do you know what a business is?! It makes MONEY! Do you know what a student is?! It eats RAMEN and cries! You cannot just shove a $1.6 TRILLION debt portfolio into an agency designed to help dry cleaners buy new presses! And don't get me started on moving Indian Education to the INTERIOR—we have HISTORY there, people, and it is NOT GOOD! This isn't "efficiency," it's bureaucratic dementia! We are taking the future of American intelligence and parting it out like a stolen Honda Civic! UNBELIEVABLE!
Morty Gold – Victory Editorial Flourish:
Look, I know we're all tired, but we can't just stop caring about whether kids learn to read or if they get crushed by debt. If you know a teacher, buy them a coffee, because God knows the government isn't buying them anything. Now leave me alone, I have to go scream into a pillow.
Sheila Sharpe:
Oh, I absolutely LOVE this branding! "Genesis Mission" for the robots, and "Final Mission" for the teachers? Subtle! It’s just so inspiring to see Linda McMahon take charge—finally, a woman in power proving she can destroy a public service just as efficiently as any man. And handing the "Genesis" keys to Nvidia and Dell while we tell special needs students their oversight is moving to HHS? That is a masterclass in priorities. We aren't building a future for people, darling; we're building a nursery for algorithms. Good luck to the humans, though!
Sheila Sharpe – Victory Editorial Flourish:
You know, despite the corporate ghoul energy in Washington, I see women covering shifts for each other and fighting for their kids' schools every single day. Power is what you do for people who can't pay you back, so maybe try flexing that muscle this week. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go congratulate an algorithm on its promotion.
Frankie Truce:
Can we be honest? You didn't care about the Department of Education until they tried to kill it. Half of you couldn't name three things it did yesterday, but today it's the sacred temple of democracy? Please. The irony is that they're calling the AI project "Genesis"—creation—while treating actual human development like a liquidation sale at Circuit City. They're betting the house on artificial intelligence because they've clearly given up on the real kind. And looking at the comments section, I can't blame them. Deal with it.
Frankie Truce – Victory Editorial Flourish:
Look, the systems are rigged and the hypocrisy is blinding, but most people are just trying to get their kids through the day without falling apart. The most rebellious thing you can do is refuse to become as cynical as the people in charge, so help a neighbor out just to spite the feds. Don't get used to me being sincere, it makes my skin itch.
Nigel Sterling:
Right, so—technically speaking—we are witnessing a bureaucratic autopsy on a living patient! They are moving student loans to the SBA, which is like asking your plumber to perform open-heart surgery because "pipes are pipes". And the sheer geometry of the "Genesis Mission"! They claim AI will LOWER energy costs by consuming MORE energy—that is not economics, that is an Escher painting made of lies!. We are stripping the engine out of the car (education) to build a spoiler made of microchips (AI). It’s madness! Mathematical madness!
Nigel Sterling – Victory Editorial Flourish:
When the people at the top start playing Jenga with essential services, it’s the people on the ground—parents, librarians, local clerks—who hold the tower up. Information is your best defense against chaos, so read the fine print and help someone navigate the mess. Now if only I could find a chart that explains why we're doing this...
Dina Brooks:
Mmm-hmm. So let me get this straight. We have money for a "Genesis Mission" to help computers think, but we need to shut down the department that helps children think?. I see you. Treating special education oversight like it's old furniture you can just shove into the basement of Health and Human Services?. The AUDACITY. You are telling us to our faces that a server farm is more precious than a third grader. Lord, give me strength, because these people are testing my last nerve.
Dina Brooks – Victory Editorial Flourish:
I know the world looks foolish right now, but I also know folks are out there packing lunches and checking homework like it still matters—because it does. Keep looking out for your babies and your neighbors, because we are all we've got. Now go be kind before I have to come down there and make you.
Buddy Barnett:
Okay, hold on... I'm sorry, I'm confused. So if I have a student loan, do I go to the Small Business Administration now?. Am I a small business? Can I write off my ramen noodles as overhead? And this AI thing—they said it's like the Manhattan Project?. Didn't that... make a bomb? I'm not trying to be difficult, but are we building a bomb or a chatbot? And why does the chatbot get more funding than the schools? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Is anyone else seeing this?
Buddy Barnett – Victory Editorial Flourish:
I guess I don't understand the big picture, but I know that when my car broke down, three strangers stopped to help, and none of them asked if I was a "bloated bureaucracy." Maybe we just need to be decent to each other while the government figures out whatever... this is. Anyway, if you need help moving a couch, just ask.
Wade Truett:
Let me tell you something. I ain't an economist, but I know how electricity works. You can't tell me that building a million new supercomputers is gonna lower my electric bill. That's like telling me if I buy a second truck, my gas bill will go down. It don't verify. And moving the Education Department to the SBA?. That's like using a screwdriver to hammer a nail. Yeah, you can do it, but you're gonna ruin the tool and look like an idiot doing it. That's all I got to say.
Wade Truett – Victory Editorial Flourish:
Now, Washington might be full of people who couldn't change a tire, but around here, folks will still pull you out of a ditch without asking for a permit. Real character ain't in an executive order, it's in showing up when things get hard. You don't need a slogan for that, you just need to be a good neighbor.
Bex Nullman:
okay so we're entering our dystopian era fr. "genesis mission" sounds like the start of a horror movie where the ai locks the doors. meanwhile we're deleting the education department because apparently learning is cheugy now. it's giving "we gave up on humans so let's try robots." i'm literally disassociating. imagine taking out loans from the small business administration for a degree that won't exist. we're so cooked lmao.
Bex Nullman – Victory Editorial Flourish:
even though everything is on fire, i saw someone pay for a stranger's groceries today and i almost felt something. being nice is like the only glitch in the simulation that actually feels good, so maybe do that. anyway don't tell anyone i was earnest, i have a brand to maintain.
Sidney Stein:
You can't just TRANSFER the Indian Education program to the Interior!. There are RULES! Congress created the Department! You can't bypass the legislative branch just because you bought a new label maker! And calling it "Genesis"?. That is false advertising! Unless you are creating light on the first day, you cannot call it Genesis! It is a DATA CENTER! Words have MEANINGS! We are living in a society, not a sci-fi novel!
Sidney Stein – Victory Editorial Flourish:
I spend a lot of time yelling, but I see people following the rules of decency—holding doors, returning carts—and it gives me hope. If we all just stick to the basic social contract of treating people with respect, we might survive this incompetence. Now act like you were raised right, for crying out loud.
Mei Lin Santos:
Okay—deep breath. Clinically speaking, this is systemic organ failure. You are taking the "central nervous system" of education oversight and transplanting it into agencies that are already rejecting their own tissues!. The SBA cannot metabolize student loans! And the "Genesis Mission"?. Do you understand the cortisol spike this causes? We are inducing a seizure in the energy grid to treat a fever in AI development. This is not innovation; this is malpractice on a national scale. I need to lie down.
Mei Lin Santos – Victory Editorial Flourish:
The system is coding, but the caregivers—the teachers, the nurses, the parents—are still at the bedside doing the work that keeps us alive. Please check on your friends, because we are all carrying too much right now. Now hydrate, rest, and try not to elect more heart attacks.
Omar Khan:
Yo, check this out. "Genesis Mission.". That is a straight-up Bond villain name. Wallahi, if a leader in my parents' country said "I am launching the Genesis Mission," we would all pack our bags. And at the same time, you are closing the schools department?. In immigrant families, education is the religion! You are canceling the religion to build Skynet! You guys are wild. I love you, but you are absolutely terrifying.
Omar Khan – Victory Editorial Flourish:
But look, no matter how crazy the headlines get, I see people from every background sharing food and laughing together in this country, and that's the real magic. Being a good host to your neighbors is stronger than any government nonsense. You're all wild, but I'd still share my snacks with you.
Veronica Thorne:
Oh, darling, this is tragic. Public education was always so... beige, wasn't it? But dismantling it to buy more servers for the AI?. That's very "new money." It's efficient, I suppose—why teach the masses to read when the computers can just do it for them? I just hope the "Genesis Mission" can invent a robot that mixes a proper martini. The current staff is dreadfully slow. Fix it.
Veronica Thorne – Victory Editorial Flourish:
I suppose I must admit that some of you ordinary people show a resilience that money simply cannot buy, and that is... almost admirable. Kindness is the one accessory that doesn't age, so do try to wear it occasionally. Try it sometime, darling—it looks good on everyone.
Coach Ned:
HUDDLE UP! Listen to me! The Department of Education isn't DYING, it's undergoing a REBUILD YEAR!. We are TRADING the bureaucrats to the SBA for future draft picks! And this Genesis Mission?. That is our STAR QUARTERBACK! We are running the "AI Hail Mary" play! BOOM! You think the energy grid is tired? PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE SUBSTATION! Get your head in the game, America! We are pivoting to a digital offense!
Coach Ned – Victory Editorial Flourish:
But hey, real talk—championships aren't won by the stars, they're won by the teammates who pick you up when you get tackled. Be the person who high-fives the underdog today, because we're all on the same squad. Now get out there and run the ‘help somebody’ drill, BOOM!
